Just pause

There comes a time in life when all people want to do is make you feel inferior and it doesn’t matter who you are to them. Friends, sometimes family everybody just wants to control you , your life. Just pause for a moment and think if you want to take the way where you are getting everything but you are unhappy or the way where u have limited means but you are happy, healthy with master of your own journey.    Just pause for a moment and feel that air of freedom that you will be breathing touching you to the core of your heart when all you will have to do is be free. Free from dominance, free from people trying to drag you down from the skies of happiness to the dirt of jealousy, anger, hatred.                                                                    No matter how hard you try to tell others how you feel they don’t understand because they don’t want to. Make your own way. It will be all yours no one will be able to share that with you because you are its architect. You have the clarity that no one else can even think of. Don’t let that clarity go away when it comes to you because it does not come easily and when it does it is as fragile as a newborn baby. It doesn’t come alone it comes with insecurities and we have to work hard to get rid of those insecurities. After extracting the toxic essence of all sorts of negativity the product that’s left with you is something unexplainable yet touching the heights of clarity.

Should I succumb?

  • I write it feeling as it is my last. I want to be disease free perfectly knowing that it will never be like that. Sometimes I feel like I should give in to my injuries but I don’t thinking what If someone is keeping record of my successful past( whenever I was in a difficult or painful situations I never gave up, and I knew that God was watching that).                                  I think if it is karma, that is counting the times punishing me for every time I dropped venomous words from my mouth but then doctor says count it as scientific and pop the pills that can bring the fever level down.     My mother says don’t lose hope then I  try to move on thinking that there’s a lot left to cope. But I can’t decide if I should go on as whenever I try to feel like I can go on a time comes as if I have stopped in a journey seeing a dead soldier’s funeral to mourn.

I wonder why the streaks of fire climb so high as if trying to reach the sky, beautiful crimson atop with ascendents Orange and yellow burning bright; it burns as passion does in the youth’s eyes.                                    Coy as a lion is after he spots the deer but it is the wildness that peeks and not the silence of fear. As the lion attacks the deer after making the growl , the fire reaches higher after it has made it has made its presence felt around.                                          Harmful it will be if it 

Forgetting.

I am just so fed up of forgetting that we shouldn’t expect anything from anyone. I am fed up of forgetting that being strong is the only option left. Sometimes by forgetting these things we play with our own emotions and end up getting hurt. We add another wound to our heart that is already well adorned with multiple number of wounds. It’s like mathematics for me. Even if I succeed once in learning a formula it is bound to vanish from my confused brain. I just don’t learn. We always try to find some people or a person in life who will be there no matter what. Some of us succeed some don’t. Why don’t we become that person for ourselves. Let others do what they want to. Sometimes when world is not enough but those few people or a person is. sometimes when we think that this is where peace lies and that turns out to be the most chaotic place that’s the time when we can hear our heart breaking into a million pieces. But most frustrating thing is that we cannot do anything about it because we have to be strong no matter what the situation is. It’s better that we become our own world. I want to be my own world.

45(part 2)

I asked my mother if she ever understands a single word that I say and she replied that she doesn’t understand have the things I say. Then I asked”do you feel the change in the air when a weather changes, like how there is a different smell of freshness in the air with the change of every season, how Sun rays fall on face leaving an everlasting warmth and how sometimes cool and sometimes warm breeze touches our body in such a way as if trying to convey some message to us.” She said she feels none of that. Then I told her that I feel all of these things. She stayed quiet. I asked what if a magic broom like Harry potter was given to you and 2 choices were were in front of you : 1) to stay here. 2) to disappear forever from the world where humans couldn’t see her and she could fly in the sky during night near moon and stars. She chose the 2 nd option.       To be continued…..

SWAG

Look at her she’s here, Every time I hear,I don’t spin around and look just to catch the look. Of the people looking at me and waiting just to hear ;my gold rose watch tick and tock and my heels til tok.                    Black ripped jeans with a dope jacket is what I mean. Minimal bling with vintage glasses creates a perfect crime scene.            Cold eyes and shiny lips are my perfect makeup tricks. Nothing less and nothing more and this is how I step outside the door.

45(part 1)

Sometimes during some conversations you just pour your heart out. Like there is no fear left of anyone coming to know something about you that they shouldn’t be knowing. It happens when you just don’t care anymore about anything but what exactly you want. When no one is able to understand you and gives up on you. When nobody doesn’t even want to know and you just get so fed up of shouting at the top of your lungs and telling exactly what you want but everyone just keeps on coming up with their own theories. That’s the time when you just say what you wanna say and don’t even care if anyone is listening or not but there is something about that last effort of yours that forces the other person to just listen. This has happened with me quite a few times and this Monday it happened yet again and I just said what I wanted without caring if the person understood me.