- I write it feeling as it is my last. I want to be disease free perfectly knowing that it will never be like that. Sometimes I feel like I should give in to my injuries but I don’t thinking what If someone is keeping record of my successful past( whenever I was in a difficult or painful situations I never gave up, and I knew that God was watching that). I think if it is karma, that is counting the times punishing me for every time I dropped venomous words from my mouth but then doctor says count it as scientific and pop the pills that can bring the fever level down. My mother says don’t lose hope then I try to move on thinking that there’s a lot left to cope. But I can’t decide if I should go on as whenever I try to feel like I can go on a time comes as if I have stopped in a journey seeing a dead soldier’s funeral to mourn.