I am just so fed up of forgetting that we shouldn’t expect anything from anyone. I am fed up of forgetting that being strong is the only option left. Sometimes by forgetting these things we play with our own emotions and end up getting hurt. We add another wound to our heart that is already well adorned with multiple number of wounds. It’s like mathematics for me. Even if I succeed once in learning a formula it is bound to vanish from my confused brain. I just don’t learn. We always try to find some people or a person in life who will be there no matter what. Some of us succeed some don’t. Why don’t we become that person for ourselves. Let others do what they want to. Sometimes when world is not enough but those few people or a person is. sometimes when we think that this is where peace lies and that turns out to be the most chaotic place that’s the time when we can hear our heart breaking into a million pieces. But most frustrating thing is that we cannot do anything about it because we have to be strong no matter what the situation is. It’s better that we become our own world. I want to be my own world.
I asked my mother if she ever understands a single word that I say and she replied that she doesn’t understand have the things I say. Then I asked”do you feel the change in the air when a weather changes, like how there is a different smell of freshness in the air with the change of every season, how Sun rays fall on face leaving an everlasting warmth and how sometimes cool and sometimes warm breeze touches our body in such a way as if trying to convey some message to us.” She said she feels none of that. Then I told her that I feel all of these things. She stayed quiet. I asked what if a magic broom like Harry potter was given to you and 2 choices were were in front of you : 1) to stay here. 2) to disappear forever from the world where humans couldn’t see her and she could fly in the sky during night near moon and stars. She chose the 2 nd option. To be continued…..
Look at her she’s here, Every time I hear,I don’t spin around and look just to catch the look. Of the people looking at me and waiting just to hear ;my gold rose watch tick and tock and my heels til tok. Black ripped jeans with a dope jacket is what I mean. Minimal bling with vintage glasses creates a perfect crime scene. Cold eyes and shiny lips are my perfect makeup tricks. Nothing less and nothing more and this is how I step outside the door.
Sometimes during some conversations you just pour your heart out. Like there is no fear left of anyone coming to know something about you that they shouldn’t be knowing. It happens when you just don’t care anymore about anything but what exactly you want. When no one is able to understand you and gives up on you. When nobody doesn’t even want to know and you just get so fed up of shouting at the top of your lungs and telling exactly what you want but everyone just keeps on coming up with their own theories. That’s the time when you just say what you wanna say and don’t even care if anyone is listening or not but there is something about that last effort of yours that forces the other person to just listen. This has happened with me quite a few times and this Monday it happened yet again and I just said what I wanted without caring if the person understood me.
My soul is so free that it wants to fly up in the sky. My soul wants to reach a whole new level of freedom. Running around with no one to stop me is something I desire for. Being unstoppable is my ultimate dream. I just don’t understand what stops it(my soul). I know it’s daring. Daring enough to fly away wherever it wants and whenever it wants. I know this is what’s right for me. I just don’t understand why every time it(soul) desires to fly up in the sky and tries to break free from the bondage that it’s in, it is not able to succeed. Every single time it tries to break free I feel the pain in my chest but I like to endure it because I know that it’ll be worth it. It’s not me it’s my soul that needs freedom now. I know it wants to be free as a bird and fly up in the sky.
it’s one of those strong words that we use in our daily lives without understanding the depth of it. I mean for me it is me being connected to myself. Yeah there are days when I feel so disconnected from myself. I guess we all do. For me being in rhythm with my myself everyday is very important and by that I mean that whatever is in my heart should be in the words I say. If it’s not like that I feel like cheating on the person with whom I am talking and what I fear the most is cheating myself. I want to feel the connection with myself every single day for the rest of my life. Everyone knows how bad it is when lyrics don’t go with the beats. It’s like that being disconnected from oneself. Though sometimes being disconnected from oneself leads to finding something much more meaningful but still it’s okay just sometimes. It’s one of the things that scares me the most. It’s all right if a bone is broken as it will be where it was in sometime and it is guaranteed , there is a doctor treating us, an another person that we can rely on but if this connection, the rhythm breaks we ourselves have to be the doctor. We cannot rely on anyone. But still if it does break just remember connections which break were meant to be temporary. So why not go in the direction of making some permanent ones. The new ones. Find yourself one more time.